Why love becomes tainted and toxic
Many of us have had relationships with people who we love in a very powerful way. This love feels so strong that it feels like it could heal the deepest of wounds and save the most lost souls. We feel like we could move mountains with this love. And in some ways, we can. But in other ways, we cannot. It is our inability or unwillingness to accept this that leads us towards toxic relationships and away from self-love.
When your loved one is spiritually and emotionally ill, addicted, or demoralized your love cannot save them. When your loved one doesn’t love themselves, your love cannot save them. When they are drowning in a sea of their self-created crisis, your love cannot save them.
The fact that our love cannot save people is at times the hardest thing in life to accept. It makes us crazy. We will make unbelievable choices and go far against our own self-boundaries, in a vain attempt to prove to ourselves and the people we love that our love is enough. We will destroy ourselves and others. The pain that we feel in our failure is crippling; the stronger the love, the stronger the pain.
Inevitably, anytime we attempt to force our love to save people, it crumbles. The love is there but is tainted by fear, guilt, pain, resentment, and discontent. Our love then becomes destructive instead of constructive. Where healthy love builds, tainted love destroys. The power you felt in this love is the same power that erupts like a volcano to tear apart your heart.
Some people never forgive life or God or the universe for this treachery of love. They live long miserable lives cursing the name of love. They choose never to love again and they shut themselves off from the world.
Some people become obsessed with the fantasy of saving someone with their love. They go from one person to the next in a desperate attempt to turn love into control. They destroy love over and over again.
Some people though, some people grow through their broken hearts. Some people make a choice to accept the things in life that they cannot change. They embrace the beauty of their love and they no longer try to turn it into something that it’s not. They love and they let go. These people, these are the ones who get to keep their love in one piece forever. They understand the most important part of a broken heart.
Pain is how we learn who we are, and more importantly, who we want to be.
You can choose to use all love, no matter what happens in the end, to bring you closer to yourself and the world. Every time your heart breaks, you will learn to love yourself just a little more. Every time you think you lost someone you loved, you can find yourself in the broken pieces. You simply have to look.
Written by Holly Kellums
Originally published on Medium.com