Loving the unlovable
No matter who you are, where you go or what you do with your life, you will undoubtedly encounter some humans who are not at all “nice” to you. There will be people along your journey who appear to be filled to the brim with anger and hostility. No matter what the people around them do, they always seem discontent. Sometimes, they are mean to people for no apparent reason at all. And this hurts people.
How do you deal with mean people? Well, that’s your decision, but I can share how I deal with mean people. The most important practice in dealing with mean people is finding compassion for them.
It is easy to love the lovable, but loving the unlovable will bring you an inner peace that cannot, under any circumstances, be taken from you.
When we speak of loving the unlovable we are not implying that you should stay in a toxic relationship or put up with abuse. What we mean is that in order to maintain a state of inner peace you have to be able to love the unlovable. This doesn’t mean you have to be best friends with them, date them or even hang out with them. You do not even have to condone their behavior. All it means is that in spite of people’s defects of character, you still love them and wish them the best. You do not have to be with someone in order to love them. You can love someone and leave them at the same time.
Loving the unlovable is loving the imperfect part of yourself. Forgiving the unforgivable is forgiving yourself for your darkest regrets. You are not completely loving yourself until you love the unlovable. It is easy to love the lovable people in our lives and those that we encounter. These are the people who are always kind to us and are always there for us. These are the strangers who are sweet to us. But, loving those who do not act in accordance with our expectations, this is not easy.
Loving the unlovable takes great strength and an inner faith that is unwavering.
The unlovable hurt us. They do not appreciate us. Unlovable people are rude to us and they bully us to get what they want. The unlovable love nothing more than to see us feel bad about ourselves. This they love because it makes them feel less alone. They feel alone because they are lost. Cut off from their own spirit, they are searching. They are searching for something that they will never find. They will never find it because it is themselves they are looking for.
This is what makes the agony of being cut off from your own spirit so unbearable. The entire time you are searching, it is right there inside of you. This inner knowing and endless searching for something you know is right there but cannot find is incomprehensibly miserable. This is the state of existence of many humans. These are the unlovable. And when you view them this way, suffering and doing the best they can with what they have, it is easier to love them.
You love them because they are lost. Love them because you too, have made mistakes. Love them because you know they are suffering and you wish them the best. Love them because they could be you. And if they were you,
would want to be loved.
Written by Holly Kellums
Originally published on Medium.com