You cannot place conditions on unconditional love
We all want a love that lasts forever.
Right? I know that is what I always wanted.
I wanted a forever love that could withstand all conditions. I wanted a loyal and undying love — a love that was true when nothing else was. I wanted a love that would journey over mountains and across oceans to find its way — a love that stretched beyond eternity.
For a long time, I thought I had not found that love. Because people that I loved left, and I left people that I loved. I thought their leaving meant that they didn’t love me unconditionally. Little did I know, I was the one placing conditions on love.
Now I know that unconditionality is a two-way street. It appears as if we have gotten it backward — our idea of unconditional love.
In our demands for unconditional love, we place conditions upon it. If they loved me unconditionally, they wouldn’t leave. They wouldn’t hurt me or do this or do that. But those are the very definition of conditions.
Unconditional love is less about another person loving you no matter what you do and more about you accepting the love of others — without demands for the conditions that you think that love should manifest.
We, humans, place many conditions on love. But the greatest one of all is the insistence that those who love us wouldn’t leave us. People will love you and leave you, and leaving doesn’t mean they never loved you. It doesn’t even mean they don’t love you anymore. Sometimes, it means they love you enough to let you go.
Many people have left me in my life, and many people have harmed me. That doesn’t mean they didn’t love me. Even those who have hurt me loved me in their way. People loved me the best they could, and the parts of them that were unloving do not negate the parts of them that loved.
I thought that I couldn’t find unconditional love because it wasn’t out there. But I was wrong. I couldn’t find it because I wasn’t practicing it. I couldn’t find it because I loved conditionally.
True friends leave
An excerpt from my story, True Friends Are NOT Always There for You
True friends come in and out of your life. And yes, true friends leave, all the time. We grow apart, and they fall away.
True friends know that if their time and purpose in your life are served, it is okay to walk away. They understand — even if just on a soul level — that there is only so much time and energy in this life we have here on earth.
True friends want you to experience all the beautiful things and people that you can in this lifetime. They want you to learn many lessons and heal many wounds.
True friends don’t want to keep you for themselves. There are over 7,530,173,730 people on this planet. They let you go, when and if it’s time. And they are grateful for the time they had with you.
True friends believe in you. They know you can make it out there with or without them. You will take a piece of them with you forever in your heart. So, in a way, they are always there, but not always in the way that you think they should be.
True friends accept that there are other hearts out there that you are meant to connect with — other lessons to be learned and wounds to be healed.
Life is different when you look at love this way — better. I get to keep all the love that I have received because I do not place conditions upon it. There is good in the worst of love and bad in the best of it. When I do not place unreasonable demands on love, I get to keep the good — despite the bad.
Even the sickest souls that I have journeyed with — the ones who abused me and manipulated me — had love in them too. And they had love for me. They had the love they were capable of having, and no matter how ugly the wounded parts of their soul were, their love was just as beautiful.
You see, unconditional love wasn’t only about loving enough to traverse mountain tops — but about loving when surmounting them was impossible. It wasn’t only about loving with the strength to cross oceans — but about loving when strength has run out. Unconditional love was never about staying no matter what. It was about loving even when one does not or cannot stay.
Written by Holly Kellums
Originally published on Medium.com