When I began my recovery journey, they told me that I had an eighty percent higher chance for long-term recovery if I did service work and focused daily on what I could do to help others. Since they also told me that only roughly one to two percent of us would ever recover, I decided that I needed all the insurance I could get. So, I did.
Even if you have never knowingly struggled with boundaries, you have engaged with people who do. Some people struggle to set and keep boundaries, while others do not respect the boundaries of others. In any case, if you dive beneath the surface, you will find the fear of rejection at the root of these common and debilitating character challenges.
We are something to many people. But there is literally not enough of you to be everything to everyone. Know this. Allow this knowing to go deep into your heart. Then, live by faith that everyone will find happiness in their own time. Believe that this will be the right time for them. Have faith, that through the guidance of your soul, you will help the right people at the right times. Let this be enough.
Some people will remain shitty people for the duration of their current life experience. I know there’s something good in them but I also know that it is not coming out any time soon. So although I see the light in you, we aren’t hanging out any time soon.
No matter who you are, where you go or what you do with your life, you will undoubtedly encounter some humans who are not at all “nice” to you. There will be people along your journey who appear to be filled to the brim with anger and hostility. No matter what the people around them do, they always seem discontent. Sometimes, they are mean to people for no apparent reason at all. And this hurts people.
It is NOT okay to invalidate the feelings of others by responding to their feelings with implications that they should feel differently. Yes, the power of our thoughts and attitudes is beyond parallel. Yes, having an attitude of gratitude is the best way to live. Yes, it is always valuable to find the silver lining. Pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth. Good comes from literally everything. Acceptance is key to living happily. We must remember a few things though.
Why do we think finding someone to blame, any time we feel discontent, will make things better? For some reason, we are prone to believe that if we can find someone to blame for a situation, we will feel better about it. This could not be further from the truth, which is why I have always been so fascinated by this concept. Blaming others is making a conscious decision to give our own power away. Whether someone else’s behavior led to our current situation or not, focusing on blaming them will not help us or make us feel better. If anything, using our energy to blame only diminishes our effectiveness.
The people in leadership who are racist — the ones that nurture and care for the systemic racism that has controlled our lexicon and belief systems for centuries — they want us to assign the label of ‘racism’ to as many people, situations, and things as possible.
Many of us have had relationships with people who we love in a very powerful way. This love feels so strong that it feels like it could heal the deepest of wounds and save the most lost souls. We feel like we could move mountains with this love. And in some ways, we can. But in other ways, we cannot. It is our inability or unwillingness to accept this that leads us towards toxic relationships and away from self-love.
I wonder what our great, great grandchildren will think about what we are doing right now when they read about COVID 19 in their history books.
I wonder if they will be shocked and amazed that the US had millions more deaths than other countries, yet many Americans fought for their right to go out without masks and get them and others sick.
Or, I wonder if they will look back at all the people who stayed home and wore masks and laugh, because the virus wasn’t real or a real threat. I wonder…